Can You Peacefully Disagree?

 

Explore tips to help you find common ground with others.

(Written for http://www.wellbeing.place/home/2021/2/12/can-you-peacefully-disagree)

One of the truest signs of maturity is the ability to disagree with someone while still remaining respectful.

- Dave Willis

In the modern world, we are surrounded by diversity daily. Diversity is more than just racial or cultural differences. It can also mean differences in age, gender, sexual orientation, various belief systems or religions, socio-economic status or political beliefs.

Uncomfortable emotions surrounding world events, uncertainty, civil and political unrest, or diversity might include feeling overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, angry, helpless and hopeless. 

When you notice yourself getting upset, begin impulsively cutting ties with friends and family or feel overly anxious, it’s wise to pause, reset your brain and consider potential alternatives. We can build connections and relationships with others by trying to find common ground. And, when we can’t, we can respectfully agree to disagree. Some of the ways we can keep disagreements constructive are:

• Keep It Neutral By Not Making It Personal: Show that you genuinely care by paying attention and asking clarifying questions about the other person’s perspective. If you disagree with them and begin to feel upset, remember that you are mad at the idea an individual is raising, not the person themself.

• Avoid Putting Down Other’s Beliefs Or Ideas: Just as you cling tightly to your beliefs and are angry when people put them down, others feel the same way when they think you are attacking their ideology or culture. Instead of flying off the handle and telling someone how stupid their idea is, try instead to say something along the lines of, “You do make some fair points, like X and Y. I disagree with Z, though, and here is why.” By not yelling, using sarcasm, or making derogatory comments, and speaking calmly instead, you have a better chance of getting your point across and them actually listening without being defensive.

• Understand Differences: You can find ways to be more compassionate with friends and loved ones and tolerate the differences among you.  Mutual respect comes when you understand that opinions grow from distinct experiences and environments. Remembering that can make it easier to feel empathy and find understanding or at least arrive at a place where you “agree to disagree.”

• Truly Listen and Look For Where You Agree: Productive conversation should try to build understanding and acceptance from all parties and not try to tear them apart. Listen for what makes sense about what they are saying, instead of how you can put the other person down and prove them wrong. Being a good listener shows that you respect and are trying to understand the other person’s perspective.

By being respectful in both your words and actions, you can continue to build understanding relationships with others and, when needed, successfully agree to disagree.